well i hav gone thru d process of arranged marriage myself but then i m sure quite a lot of us still hav doubts as what u shud ask when u meet someone....
so hav jotted down a few things which came to my mind with bit of help from my sis as well
so here we go....this is from a guy's perspective
Think or possibly even write down some things like..
1. What things u consider desirable might be ok to compromise…
Good looks ..color, height, fat/thin,
Financially same/ lesser but not more
Educational qualification – any grad, BE/ medicine, masters..
Field of work (doc, engg, etc)
Working / not…if yes, where? how serious she is abt her work ? does she have any goals for career ?
Family background – educated?
Seemingly similar lifestyle as you
Ghar kaisa hai
Very quite girl/ ok types…(some things u might not be able to judge completely but shayaad kuch idea aaye….like if shez over-enthu, u might not like it
Likes/ dislikes abt foods / sports / movies / actors (male / female) / travellin
friends / college life kaisa tha
what she does in spare time
how she spends her weekends
does she like watchin movies in theaters
does she do cookin at home ? how she is involved in household chores ? does it happen tht mom is not there n she has to take care of the house
does she take decisions on her own or depend upon parents / friends / someone else
2. Then other things to consider are…which of these are easily changeable/ moldable…
how u might be ok to change and not be as stubborn with things wrt biwi and her expectations.
remember it’s not that easy to bring changes in ppl…and especially don’t make assumptions that she will be happy to change, etc and will be able to change….
U can probably expect such things about dressing, etc. for eg, if u don’t like the gals dressing, I think in most cases, the gal wouldn’t mind switching to wearing what makes u happy…unless, it’s too drastic. btw, expecting her to wear a sari 24/7 might be thoda jyaada for some.
while deciding what is how important for u…don’t think morally…as in…if u WANT her to only wear a sari 24/7 when at your home…or that she should NOT wear jeans….don’t think like…” it’s wrong to impose rules/expect like that, etc”….if that’s important for u…it is important..simple…
3. Same about looks…it’s not wrong to expect good looks…u would know what appeals you…
btw, in my opinion, looks don’t matter too much…but all thinks they do matter to some extent…neither am I wrong nor r others….it’s what you think is important or matters to you. .
what I have seen is that people tend to give looks a greater importance in arranged marriage scenario as it’s the only things which can be definitely found out. But please don’t end up giving it too much importance. It shouldn’t be like if looks change after marriage, that u would be totally disinterested. (many gals put up loots of weight after marriage, someone can have a accident and looks might change, and btw, some people also develop a glow or become slightly fairer after marriage)
4. anyways, Another important thing was…age and family pressure issue…
you would know how important it is for u to marry soon or if it’s ok for u to take some more time…what’s your threshold.
For u…think about it
The closer u reach the threshold, the more u might have to start making compromises. Like some things which might have been in “preferred category” might be in a “can compromise” category now…
Take time and …give it a thought..
Or u might want to write things as well…
basically, identify measures…mark their level or importance….see if they are measurable with the information u can get…
and keep a tab on timelines..
i always had couple of rounds....in d first round i wud ask those questions on which i wanted n Yes from her side n when it was clear by all i wud meet again...then in d next round i wud talk other things.....jus to get some insight in her
in d 2nd round i used to give a brief abt how things were at my house...this was to give a fair picture to d gal as she has to move there n not d other way round
also usually there's a lot of pressure from parents / ppl in d middle who bring proposals / at times gal's parents to say YES but then if ur gut feel says NO....jus stick to it....ek baar na hua then khatam...jus close the chapter...since aage u shud never hav tht feelin in ur mind yaar i had said no for this gal but then i was forced to say Yes n things aint workin for us......
but agar 50:50 hai u can always meet d gal again (if its allowed in ur mind) or if possible talk with her on d fone bfore u finally take decide
in my MBA group there were 2 who saw / met more than 30 gals.....one of them finally married a gal whom he had rejected one year earlier...another had lots of emphasis on looks but then finally he also said yes for n avg lookin gal......
see in arranged marriage its always a risk....probably d biggest risk u wud b takin in life......n in jus 1-2 meetin for 30 min - 1 hour its very diff to get total idea abt d person to decide if she is d gal u want to marry...it wud not b like a hindi film where u hear some music to give signal this is d gal / ya tere heart dhak dhak karega zoro main suddenly !!!
its a tukka n u hav to decide when u wanna take it.....arranged marriage is all abt compromises since as u start knowin each other u will get a new googly which u did not know earlier....so its how u both take it n move fwd in life
in arranged marriages love usually happens afterwards as u know each other better...its never love at first sight kind of situation....
so all d best
go ahead n njoy d process
aks
so hav jotted down a few things which came to my mind with bit of help from my sis as well
so here we go....this is from a guy's perspective
Think or possibly even write down some things like..
1. What things u consider desirable might be ok to compromise…
Good looks ..color, height, fat/thin,
Financially same/ lesser but not more
Educational qualification – any grad, BE/ medicine, masters..
Field of work (doc, engg, etc)
Working / not…if yes, where? how serious she is abt her work ? does she have any goals for career ?
Family background – educated?
Seemingly similar lifestyle as you
Ghar kaisa hai
Very quite girl/ ok types…(some things u might not be able to judge completely but shayaad kuch idea aaye….like if shez over-enthu, u might not like it
Likes/ dislikes abt foods / sports / movies / actors (male / female) / travellin
friends / college life kaisa tha
what she does in spare time
how she spends her weekends
does she like watchin movies in theaters
does she do cookin at home ? how she is involved in household chores ? does it happen tht mom is not there n she has to take care of the house
does she take decisions on her own or depend upon parents / friends / someone else
2. Then other things to consider are…which of these are easily changeable/ moldable…
how u might be ok to change and not be as stubborn with things wrt biwi and her expectations.
remember it’s not that easy to bring changes in ppl…and especially don’t make assumptions that she will be happy to change, etc and will be able to change….
U can probably expect such things about dressing, etc. for eg, if u don’t like the gals dressing, I think in most cases, the gal wouldn’t mind switching to wearing what makes u happy…unless, it’s too drastic. btw, expecting her to wear a sari 24/7 might be thoda jyaada for some.
while deciding what is how important for u…don’t think morally…as in…if u WANT her to only wear a sari 24/7 when at your home…or that she should NOT wear jeans….don’t think like…” it’s wrong to impose rules/expect like that, etc”….if that’s important for u…it is important..simple…
3. Same about looks…it’s not wrong to expect good looks…u would know what appeals you…
btw, in my opinion, looks don’t matter too much…but all thinks they do matter to some extent…neither am I wrong nor r others….it’s what you think is important or matters to you. .
what I have seen is that people tend to give looks a greater importance in arranged marriage scenario as it’s the only things which can be definitely found out. But please don’t end up giving it too much importance. It shouldn’t be like if looks change after marriage, that u would be totally disinterested. (many gals put up loots of weight after marriage, someone can have a accident and looks might change, and btw, some people also develop a glow or become slightly fairer after marriage)
4. anyways, Another important thing was…age and family pressure issue…
you would know how important it is for u to marry soon or if it’s ok for u to take some more time…what’s your threshold.
For u…think about it
The closer u reach the threshold, the more u might have to start making compromises. Like some things which might have been in “preferred category” might be in a “can compromise” category now…
Take time and …give it a thought..
Or u might want to write things as well…
basically, identify measures…mark their level or importance….see if they are measurable with the information u can get…
and keep a tab on timelines..
i always had couple of rounds....in d first round i wud ask those questions on which i wanted n Yes from her side n when it was clear by all i wud meet again...then in d next round i wud talk other things.....jus to get some insight in her
in d 2nd round i used to give a brief abt how things were at my house...this was to give a fair picture to d gal as she has to move there n not d other way round
also usually there's a lot of pressure from parents / ppl in d middle who bring proposals / at times gal's parents to say YES but then if ur gut feel says NO....jus stick to it....ek baar na hua then khatam...jus close the chapter...since aage u shud never hav tht feelin in ur mind yaar i had said no for this gal but then i was forced to say Yes n things aint workin for us......
but agar 50:50 hai u can always meet d gal again (if its allowed in ur mind) or if possible talk with her on d fone bfore u finally take decide
in my MBA group there were 2 who saw / met more than 30 gals.....one of them finally married a gal whom he had rejected one year earlier...another had lots of emphasis on looks but then finally he also said yes for n avg lookin gal......
see in arranged marriage its always a risk....probably d biggest risk u wud b takin in life......n in jus 1-2 meetin for 30 min - 1 hour its very diff to get total idea abt d person to decide if she is d gal u want to marry...it wud not b like a hindi film where u hear some music to give signal this is d gal / ya tere heart dhak dhak karega zoro main suddenly !!!
its a tukka n u hav to decide when u wanna take it.....arranged marriage is all abt compromises since as u start knowin each other u will get a new googly which u did not know earlier....so its how u both take it n move fwd in life
in arranged marriages love usually happens afterwards as u know each other better...its never love at first sight kind of situation....
so all d best
go ahead n njoy d process
aks
